![]() For example, saying, “You ruined…” or “You made me.” Mark Mayfield, Ph.D., a licensed professional counselor, explains that these blaming statements often trigger the other person and can take you down a spiraling path. Making “you” statements also puts the other person on the defensive. Mistake #3: Using “you” instead of “I” statements It also feels like less of a personal, all-out affront on the other person’s entire character. Instead, she says to “use moderating words like sometimes, at times and often,” which are gradients that leave room for a candid discussion. It also puts the other person on the defensive, and instead of listening to what you have to say they’ll focus on coming up with examples that negate your false statement. Learning how to steer an argument into a progressive direction requires practice, but you can start by acknowledging the things you might be doing wrong and replacing those behaviors with healthier, more constructive habits.Ī BETTER Way Griping a lot? A 'complaint cleanse' may help Mistake #2: Using hyperbolic terms like “always” and “never”Ī statement like “You always do this!” or “You never do that!” isn’t just dramatic, it’s likely untrue, says Ho. For that reason, it’s far too easy to fuel the fire instead of extinguishing it. To make matters worse, many of us haven’t been equipped with examples of what a healthy argument looks like. Especially when the argument is with a spouse or significant other (who may a host of complaints sitting in the kitchen sink waiting to be unleashed). The problem, of course, is that emotions and built-up frustration can complicate the situation. In that sense, you can think of arguments as opportunities to really hear what the other person has to say, to say your piece, and to come out on the other side all the better for it. It's impossible to prevent disagreements from occurring altogether, but it is possible to navigate the situation in a way that allows the relationship to grow. It doesn’t matter who’s on the other end of your frowning face - best friend, parent, coworker, in law, or romantic partner - arguments happen and that’s OK.
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